orbsteve: This is quite a good opener. Approach a HB PUA: How long do bees live? HB: I don’t know/Until they sting someone/2years (whatever the response is)? At this point don’t say anything or do anything, just look into her eyes but remember to smile. What happens after this depends on the HB. Some HB’s kino you in a playful way. You decide when to stop playing and deliver the next line....
WHOLE. WHEAT. DONUT.
watershipsdown: son: “mom…im gay” me: OH MY GLEE!!!!! LET’S GO GET PIZZA AND WATCH A VERY POTTER MUSICAL WHILE I WRITE DOWN MY FAVORITE SHIPS OF YOU AND YOUR FRI-i am cut off as a giant lobster destroys the wall of my home and carries me away in its mouth, the year is 2027 and the earth has been overrun by sentient crustaceans the size of boeing 747 jets
my hidden talent is letting all of my homework and other obligations pile up until the very last minute so i can crack under the pressure and have a mental breakdown
simplewhitebitch: “i have a plan to create 12 million new jobs” you know when u were in middle school/high school and u would run for student government and u were like i have a plan for u all to get free food from the vending machine that’s what this is like
splatterpumpkin: chompyface: gingermapoftasmania: what if the phrase ‘you are what you eat’ actually came true and everyone turned into the last thing they ate omfg do you know how many girls would turn into semen then theres that one creepy person who stays human oops
chrismello: are vegans now calling meat eaters “bloodmouths”? that’s fucking awesome i fucking love that call me that some more
[[MORE]]math test on the third fucking day of class. and i dont even have a fucking book yet. fuck everything.
College graduates should not have to live out their 20s in their childhood...– Paul Ryan (via achans) Yes. And the leader who failed me was George W. Bush. Lest we forget the president who was at the helm when the economy was driven into the fucking ground. Am I the only one with a memory that goes back further than the last campaign speech I listened to? Although while...
edwad: #AirplanePickUpLines : nice legs what time do they get the fuck off the back of my chair